How to Rekindle Your Child’s Motivation by Ellen Braaten

In this insightful episode of *Mind Set in Stone Podcasts,* Dave and Poppy discuss *How to Rekindle Your Child’s Motivation* by Ellen Braaten, offering strategies for parents, teachers, and caregivers to inspire and support children’s drive to learn and grow. 

They delve into Braaten’s expert advice on understanding the reasons behind motivational challenges, creating environments that encourage curiosity, and reigniting a child’s natural enthusiasm. Whether you’re a parent facing a motivational slump or simply looking to support the young people in your life, this episode provides practical tips to help children find joy in their own success. 

Tune in for an empowering conversation on sparking a child’s inner motivation!

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Mind Set in Stone Podcasts. If you enjoyed our deep dive, be sure to subscribe and leave us a review! Share your thoughts with us on social media, and let us know which book you’d like us to explore next. Until next time, keep your mind set in stone and your curiosity open.

This has been a Big L Riz Media Podcast—where big ideas meet lasting impressions.

Transcript

Welcome to Mind Set in Stone Podcasts, where we dive deep into the most compelling books on the shelf. Join hosts Dave and Poppy as they uncover the stories, themes, and ideas that shape our understanding and inspire curiosity. Get ready to explore the big ideas that leave a lasting impact.

Let's get started.

Alright, so you're joining us for this deep dive and I'm guessing you're at least a little curious about how to get your kid, you know, maybe a little more fired up about just about anything, right? And we're diving into bright kids who couldn't care less for this one and honestly, some really eye-opening stuff in here.

It really is amazing how common it is, kids just losing that spark, that drive they had when they were younger.

Yeah, and the book really dives into this whole idea of kids needing to kind of discover their own internal motivation, you know, not just be driven by grades or what we as parents want for them.

Absolutely. And they have this whole parenting app framework, aptitude, pleasure, practice. It really resonated with me.

Oh yeah, tell me about this parenting app.

So, aptitude, right off the bat, it's not just about being like, oh, you're a math whiz.

Right, right.

It's about those strengths, those talents that they might not even realize they have. Like they could be a natural leader.

Okay, I see where you're going with this.

But it's not showing up in the, you know, the traditional straight A student way.

Yeah, yeah, totally.

The book calls these unsung hero strengths, which I think is so clever. And, you know, as parents, we're in this this unique position.

To spot those strengths, right?

To really see those hidden talents. What are they drawn to naturally?

Even if it seems like insignificant, right? Like they're obsessed with organizing their Pokémon cards or something.

Exactly. Or maybe they love explaining things to their younger siblings. Those little things can be so telling.

So, it's about really observing them and not just like when they're doing homework.

Precisely. We gotta see them in their element, with their friends, during their downtime, all of it.

So, then that's where this pleasure part comes in.

That's it. It's not enough to be good at something. It's gotta light them up, bring them joy.

Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Like what's the point of being good at something if you dread doing it, right?

And you know, the book makes this really cool analogy about French kids and food.

Oh, interesting. Okay.

Have you ever noticed how, like, French kids are encouraged to savor their food, really appreciate the flavors and textures?

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a whole different experience, right?

Exactly. And the book argues that this kind of translates to other areas of life.

Okay. So how does that apply to, like, motivating our kids?

Well, think of it this way. Instead of just rushing through a meal to get to dessert.

Right.

We want our kids to enjoy the entire process, the learning, the creating, even the occasional frustration.

So, it's about finding those moments of genuine enjoyment, even in things they might not love every second of.

Exactly. Like, maybe your kid is super into coding, but they hate having to write out all the, you know, the comments and documentation.

Oh, yeah, I can see that. Or maybe they love the research part of a project, but get bogged down in the actual writing.

It's about helping them find the why behind the what.

I love that. The why behind the what. Because when they have that, it's like...

Everything changes. They're not just going through the motions. They're invested.

This is reminding me of when my son was younger, and he got really into building those elaborate Lego creations. He wasn't even following the instructions half the time.

There it is.

It was all about the joy of creation. He would spend hours in his own little world.

And that, my friend, is what we call flow.

Flow. Okay. So, what is flow exactly?

It's that magical state where they're so engrossed in an activity that time just seems to disappear. They're completely in the zone.

That's awesome. So how do we, as parents, help our kids find that flow?

Well, that's where the third part of this parenting APP comes in. Practice.

Yeah.

And I know, I know.

The P word.

Right. It can be a tough one, but the book makes a really important distinction between just, you know, mindless repetition.

Like drilling multiplication tables till their eyes glaze over.

Exactly. That's not what we're talking about here. They call it deliberate practice.

Deliberate practice. Okay. So, tell me more about that.

So, it's not about quantity. It's about quality and focus. It's like, imagine a musician who's struggling with a certain passage in a piece.

Instead of just playing the whole thing over and over again, they isolate that tricky part and work on it specifically until they've nailed it.

Okay. So, it's like, instead of just saying go practice piano for an hour, maybe it's about helping them choose a challenging piece they're really excited about.

That they love.

Yes. And breaking it down into smaller, more manageable parts.

Exactly. And you know, it's fascinating. They actually did a study and found that even like, expert violinists when they were kids, they weren't practicing for hours and hours every day.

It really is.

It was more about the quality of that practice time. They were focused. They were intentional.

That's really interesting. It's so easy to fall into that trap of thinking that more is always better, but that's clearly not always the case.

No, not at all. And this is also where understanding your child's temperament comes in. Have you ever heard of the big five personality traits?

Openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. It's just a framework for understanding how our personalities kind of influence our motivations.

Okay, so like a kid who's really high in that openness to experience, they're more likely to jump into something new, right?

Exactly, whereas a kid who's say super high in conscientiousness, they might be driven by that feeling of, I did it, I finished it.

Right, right, that sense of accomplishment.

Exactly. And this is where this idea of goodness of fit comes in, like you were saying.

Oh yeah, I remember that part. It's all about how the environment can either like totally nurture a kid's natural tendencies or kind of squash them.

100%. You put a kid who thrives in a bustling social setting into this super structured, learn at your own pace environment.

It's not going to be pretty.

And vice versa, right.

It's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It makes you wonder like, is that why some kids just, they just don't thrive in a traditional school setting, you know.

And the book talks about that. It's not about labeling a kid as quote unquote, not school material. It's about recognizing that that traditional classroom, it's not a magic formula for every single kid.

Totally.

Some kids, they blossom in smaller groups, others need that faster pace, bigger environment. It's all about finding the right fit.

That actually makes so much sense. And it reminds me of that story from the book about Bobby, you know.

Bobby, who found his passion working at a hardware store.

Yes. It's like sometimes you just got to find a different path. It clicked for him in a way that traditional school never did.

It's about finding that right environment.

Yeah.

And that's a perfect segue into, well, parental expectations. Because let's be real, the college admission thing, that can be a pressure cooker.

It's like we get so caught up in this one definition of success.

Yeah.

Good grades, prestigious college, high paying job. But this book is like a breath of fresh air. It reminds us there are so many ways to build a fulfilling life.

So many. And it starts with like actually talking to our kids, like really talking about their hopes, their dreams, what do they want.

Even if it doesn't quite line up with what we picture for them.

Exactly. We've got to honor their individuality. Help them find their own version of a fulfilling life.

And maybe challenge some of those societal expectations we've like internalized along the way.

Right. Like what does success really mean? Is it a six-figure salary in a corner office?

Or is it more about finding joy in your work, feeling a sense of purpose, making a difference?

I love how this book really pushes us to like broaden our definition of success.

Because maybe your kid's passion is, I don't know, working with their hands, creating things. Maybe it's helping others or connecting with nature. These things might not scream, you know, high paying career path on the surface, but they bring so much satisfaction, so much purpose.

It's about recognizing that there's more than one way to live a meaningful life. The book also talks about like helping our kids understand their own motivations, you know?

Yes. It's not about us, the parents, figuring it out for them. It's about guiding them on that journey of self-discovery.

Okay, so how do we actually do that? How do we help them figure out what makes them tick?

It might be as simple as asking them questions, right? What are you naturally drawn to? What makes you lose track of time?

Those open-ended questions can be so powerful.

It's like helping them tune in to their own internal compass.

Yeah, exactly, help them figure out what lights them up. And then our job as parents, it's to create those opportunities for them to actually explore those passions. Even if we don't necessarily totally get it.

Like maybe their passion is video game design or cosplay.

Or hey, maybe it's something more traditional.

Exactly, it's about creating that safe space for them to just explore and experiment. But even with all the support in the world, our kids are gonna hit those bumps in the road.

Life, yes, and that's where the book really emphasizes this idea of like nurturing a growth mindset.

A hundred percent. We've got to help them see those challenges not as roadblocks, but as opportunities for growth, for learning.

So, it's like instead of saying, oh honey, you got a bad grade on that test, it's more like, hey, I am so proud of how hard you studied. Yeah.

What did you learn from this? What can we try differently next time?

It's all about how we frame it, right? We're teaching them that their intelligence, it's not fixed.

It's not set in stone. It can grow, it can expand with effort and perseverance. And honestly, that's such a powerful message.

It really is. Yeah. But you know, we can talk about growth mindset all day long, but we've got to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

Stress.

Oh, absolutely, because when you're running on fumes, it's pretty impossible to find that motivation to do anything more than just survive, you know?

And it's not just like school stress, right? We're talking the whole shebang, social stuff, family dynamics, even just not getting enough sleep or eating junk food all the time.

Oh, it all adds up. It really does. The book actually makes a really good point about, you know, us as parents, we got to make sure we're walking the walk, not just talking the talk, you know what I mean?

Oh, 100 percent, like modeling those healthy coping mechanisms.

Exactly. Because if we're freaking out every time something goes wrong, our kids are picking up on that.

They're little sponges, aren't they?

Totally. And it's not about being perfect, right? They're all human.

It's just about showing them, okay, something didn't go as planned, but I can handle it.

We're going to take a breath. We're going to figure it out. Yeah.

We're not going to completely lose it.

Exactly. And on that note, the book also talks about this thing. It's almost like a parenting style.

They call it helicopter parenting.

Okay. Yeah, I've heard of that.

Yeah.

The parents who are like constantly hovering, swooping in to rescue their kid from every little struggle.

That's the one. And it's hard, right? Because our instinct is to protect our kids.

Of course. We want to make things easier for them.

But what's interesting is the book makes the case that sometimes that actually backfires. Like in the long run, it can actually hurt their confidence and their motivation.

Because it sends the message that we don't think they can handle it themselves.

Exactly. Like, you're not capable, so I have to do it for you.

Which is the opposite of what we want.

Totally. But then on the other hand, we don't want to be too hands off either, right?

It's all about finding that balance.

Giving them roots and wings.

I love that roots and wings. So, we're giving them that secure base, that foundation.

But then we're also trusting them to spread their wings and fly.

Okay. I love that. Now, another thing this book really dives into is goal setting.

But it's not just about having any old goal, right?

Right. It's got to be personal, something that really speaks to them.

Something they're actually invested in, not just what we think they should be doing.

Exactly. The book calls these achievable goals and they use this story. I think his name was Teddy.

Okay. Yeah. I remember Teddy.

What was his deal again?

So, Teddy was going through it, right? Best friend moved away, broke his arm, couldn't play baseball. The poor kid was just like down in the dumps.

Yeah.

His motivation was probably like non-existent at that point.

Totally. His parents, they were loving, supportive.

But they were pushing him to just like keep up with his schoolwork as if nothing had changed.

Exactly. But it wasn't working. It was like he had just checked out.

So, what was the turning point for him?

It was when his parents finally sat down and they really listened. And they realized, you know what? Teddy's goal in that moment wasn't about grades.

It was about feeling better.

Exactly. He just wanted to feel less sad, less anxious. He wanted to connect with his friends, get back to playing sports, basic stuff.

It's amazing how we as parents, we can get so caught up in our own heads that we lose sight of what our kids are actually going through.

Totally. But once they understood his goal, you know, his real goal, It could actually help. They worked together to create a plan that actually made sense for him, for where he was AT.

And guess what? Teddy started thriving again.

It's like that light came back on.

It did. And I think that's a really powerful message for all of us, right? Sometimes we have to adjust our expectations and meet our kids where they are.

Love that. So, to wrap things up for our listeners today, I think the biggest take away here is.

Rekindling your child's motivation. It's a journey, not a race.

It really is. And like we've been talking about today, it starts with understanding, understanding our kids, understanding ourselves.

And trusting that spark within them. It might flicker. It might even seem to disappear for a bit.

But it's always there.

It's always there. And with a little understanding, a lot of love, and maybe a few takeaways from bright kids who couldn't care less.

You can help that spark become a roaring flame again.

Beautifully said. That is all the time we have for today's deep dive but thank you so much for joining us.

We hope you're leaving with fresh insights and a spark of inspiration. Remember to subscribe, leave a review, and check back for more episodes as we dive into new worlds of thought, one book at a time. Until then, keep your mind set in stone and your curiosity open.

This has been a Big L Riz Media Podcast, where big ideas meet lasting impressions.