Master Your Emotions by Thibaut Meurisse

Emotions are powerful—they shape our thoughts, actions, and overall quality of life. In this episode of the Mind Set In Stone podcast, we dive deep into Thibaut Meurisse's transformative guide, Master Your Emotions. This book offers practical tools and insights to understand and manage your emotional state, empowering you to take control of your mindset and build lasting happiness.

Join Dave and Poppy as they uncover how emotions work, the role of beliefs and habits in shaping them, and actionable steps to break free from negativity. Whether you're seeking to overcome emotional triggers or striving to create a more balanced life, this episode will equip you with the knowledge to turn emotions into allies.

Tune in now to discover how mastering your emotions can unlock the path to personal growth and resilience. 

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Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Mind Set in Stone Podcasts. If you enjoyed our deep dive, be sure to subscribe and leave us a review! Share your thoughts with us on social media, and let us know which book you’d like us to explore next. Until next time, keep your mind set in stone and your curiosity open.

This has been a Big L Riz Media Podcast—where big ideas meet lasting impressions.

Transcript

Welcome to Mind Set in Stone Podcasts, where we dive deep into the most compelling books on the shelf. Join hosts Dave and Poppy as they uncover the stories, themes, and ideas that shape our understanding and inspire curiosity. Get ready to explore the big ideas that leave a lasting impact.

Let's get started.

Ever get that sinking feeling, you know, acing everything at work, but then one little critique just totally overshadows all the praise. Or maybe you're like riding high on a wind and then bam, suddenly those good vibes fade and you're like right back to stressing about the next thing. Yeah.

If that's you, get ready because today's deep dive is all about kind of cracking the code of your emotions. We're diving into Master Your Emotions by Thibaut Meurisse. Let me tell you, this isn't your grandma's self-help book.

This book is like almost a field guide to sort of navigating those roller coaster feelings and get this, actually using them to your advantage. So, we're going to break down the most, I guess like actionable points so you can walk away with some serious emotional intelligence upgrades. Meurisse starts with this concept he calls the Survival Brain, and honestly, it's a total game changer when you actually grasp it.

Remember that client you landed, everyone's celebrating, high-fives all around?

Right.

Then that one e-mail about a typo and the proposal pops up, and suddenly it's like the world is ending.

Yeah. It's not just you being dramatic though. It's like our brains are ancient, my friend.

Picture yourself thousands of years ago, that rustle in the bushes could be a saber-tooth tiger or it could be nothing.

Yeah.

Back then, focusing on the negative, even so overreacting to it was crucial for survival.

Basically, it's like our brains just haven't caught up to the fact that we're not fighting off woolly mammoths anymore.

Exactly.

But here's where it gets even more interesting, that negativity bias is closely tied to how we experience pleasure. Remember dopamine, the feel-good chemical.

Right. It's not just about feeling good though, it's about motivation and reward too.

Okay.

Meurisse talks about this like wild study where rats could stimulate their pleasure centers directly, and they chose it over food even when they were starving.

They were literally neglecting their basic needs just to chase that dopamine rush. That sounds eerily familiar, doesn't it? Think about that, like constant pull we have toward our phones that need to refresh social media, like just one more time.

Exactly. That's like our modern-day version of those rats hitting the pleasure button. These like quick dopamine hits, they can actually like distract us from the things that actually create lasting happiness.

So, we've got our like ancient brains misfiring and we're like drowning in dopamine traps. No wonder so many people feel like one day when I, you know, fill in the blank, I'll finally be happy.

Right.

And Meurisse, he like tackles that myth head on. He talks about this study comparing, get this lottery winners to people who had become paralyzed.

Wow.

You would think winning the lottery is like peak happiness, right?

Yeah, for sure.

But here's the like kicker. They were no happier a year later than the group who'd experienced this like life altering tragedy. That's kind of a mind-blowing concept that if those like big external factors don't equal lasting happiness, then what does?

Right. That's where I think Meurisse's insights about the, you know, the ego come in. And it's not about like, you know, being egotistical.

Right.

It's about that sense of self. We kind of build-up, often clinging to external things for like validation.

Like those parents who are like practically living through their kid’s soccer game.

Oh, yeah.

They're yelling, stressing, their entire mood just hinges on weather. Like little Timmy scores a goal. It's almost like their own self-worth is like on the line.

Precisely.

Yeah.

And it's not just, you know, about soccer parents. We see this everywhere. People tying their like self-worth to possessions, appearances, even other people's opinions.

This is why that one negative comment can sting more than like a dozen compliment.

Okay. Yeah, that makes so much sense. But here's where it gets like really empowering.

Okay.

Meurisse has this like formula for emotions and it's a total game changer.

Yeah.

It's not just that emotions like happen to us. We actually have a role in kind of creating them. He breaks it down like this.

Thought plus identification equals emotion. Let's say you like make a mistake at work. We all do it.

But it's that like replaying it over and over in your head, that identifying with the mistake that fuels the like shame spiral.

Right.

So, it's not about denying our emotions. It's about understanding where they're coming from. But while positive thinking has its place, Meurisse doesn't sugarcoat things.

He's not all about that good vibe only mentality.

Exactly. He actually talks about like toxic positivity, that idea that we should be happy all the time, which is just not realistic.

Right.

But he offers this really cool technique called visualization.

Oh, yeah. Tell me more about that. I've always been curious about visualization.

Does it actually work?

Yeah. So Meurisse, he gives this vivid example. He imagines himself winning an award, feeling the weight of it in his hand, hearing the applause.

The idea is if you can vividly practice feeling those positive emotions, your brain, it starts to rewire itself. It's like giving yourself a mental workout for happiness.

Interesting. So, we're not just slapping on a fake smile and calling it good. Meurisse gives us some serious tools to work with.

Yeah. This is where Master Your Emotions gets really exciting, I think. It's not just about managing those feelings; it's about actually using them as guides for growth.

Okay. Yeah. I'm intrigued.

Where do we start?

Well, let's talk about that universal feeling of not being good enough.

Tell me about it. We've all been there.

Yeah. We tend to think it's about external achievements. Like if only I landed that promotion or had that perfect relationship that I'd feel worthy.

Right. But Meurisse has a different take, doesn't he?

He suggests Austin's like our ego, like clinging to those external markers for validation. We compare, we chase all to prove our worth, which it just keeps us stuck.

So how do we break free?

Well, Meurisse has this like great exercise, keep a win log right down to your complements, big or small, every single day.

I love that. It's so easy to just like focus on what we haven't done. This is like hitting the pause button and actually like celebrating those wins no matter how small they might seem.

It's true. It rewires our thinking. Here's another powerful one, learn to accept compliments gracefully.

It sounds so simple, right? But like many of us, we deflect, we downplay, almost like refuse to acknowledge our own awesomeness.

Oh my gosh. I am so guilty of that. Someone gives me a compliment.

I'm like, oh, it was nothing really.

But Meurisse, he argues that a simple thank you is like an act of self-respect. Okay. The more we practice, the more we internalize those positive messages instead of instantly dismissing them.

It's like we're giving ourselves permission to be seen, to be appreciated for who we are, you know?

Exactly. Now, what about when those feelings are directed outward? Let's talk about jealousy.

That green-eyed monster.

Right. It can be an uncomfortable emotion. Yeah.

But Meurisse, he sees it as a potential signpost, a clue to what we truly desire. He talks about author Susan Cain, who often felt jealous of writer friends, but not of successful lawyers, even though she was a lawyer herself at the time. It was like a wake-up call that she was on the wrong path.

So instead of beating ourselves up for feeling jealous, maybe we should ask, what's this feeling trying to tell me? What do I secretly yearn for?

Exactly. Now, of course, there's a kind of darker side to jealousy, that feeling of scarcity. Someone else's success takes away from our own.

Right. But Meurisse, he encourages a mindset shift. There's enough success to go around.

Right. It's not a pie where if someone else gets a slice, there's less for us. Someone else's achievements, they don't diminish our own potential.

They can even inspire us, maybe lead to collaborations, even open up new possibilities that we hadn't even considered.

Okay. We've talked about inadequacy, jealousy. What about good old-fashioned stress, deadlines, relationships, information overload?

How does Meurisse suggest we do with that?

Well, he starts with personal responsibility. Okay. It's easy to just blame external circumstances for our stress levels.

Oh, absolutely. My boss is stressing me out, or traffic is making me crazy.

Right. But Meurisse, he argues, it's our interpretation of those circumstances that actually creates the feeling. He used the example of being stuck in traffic.

We can't control the traffic, but we can control how we react to it. Right.

It becomes a choice. Fume and fret, or listen to a podcast, connect with a friend, maybe even learn something new.

Exactly. Now, what about when it's not just a passing moment of stress, but that chronic worry that keeps us up at night.

The what-ifs that just play on repeat in our heads.

Right. Meurisse has a system for that. He says, divide worries into three categories.

Things we have control over, things we have some control over, and things we have absolutely no control over whatsoever.

Okay, that makes sense.

The key is to focus our energy on what we can influence and learn to let go of the rest.

Easier said than done, though, right? Especially letting go of those things we can't change.

It's a practice, but it's worth it. Trying to control the uncontrollable is just exhausting and it's futile. It's like swimming against the current.

It's like that serenity prayer. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. But I think Meurisse also makes a distinction between stress and worry.

Yeah. Stress is that, like immediate response, fight or flight mode. Worry is that future-focused anxiety.

What if this happens? What if I mess up?

Exactly. Meurisse's point is most of our worries are unnecessary. Either they're about things that already happened which we can't change, or they're about hypothetical situations that might never even happen.

It's like we're like borrowing trouble from the future, paying interest in like stress and sleepless nights.

He suggests writing down all your worries and then categorize them past, present, or future. Often just seeing it in black and white helps us kind of let go those worries that aren't serving us.

Okay. That's a great exercise. So, we're learning to manage our inner critic, harness jealousy's energy, navigate stress and worry.

But there's another emotion I think a lot of us struggle with, especially in this like age of social media, caring what other people think.

Right. This is where Meurisse, he makes a pretty bold statement. You are the most important person in the world.

Whoa. That sounds a little self-centered.

He's not like advocating for narcissism. He's highlighting that each of us, you know, experiences the world through our own unique lens.

Okay.

When it comes to our happiness, our well-being, we are the central character in our own story.

Right. It's not about being selfish. It's about recognizing that we can't please everyone and trying to will just make us miserable.

Exactly. We overestimate how much other people are thinking about us. We get caught up in this self-conscious loop when in reality, most people are too busy with their own lives.

It's so freeing to think about it that way. We can give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to make mistakes, to not have it all figured out.

This leads to Meurisse's next point. Not everyone is going to like you.

Ouch.

It's true. No matter how hard we try to please everyone, it's impossible. There will always be people who don't resonate with us, who don't get us, and that's okay.

But that can be a tough pill to swallow, especially if you're someone who thrives on approval.

But Meurisse, he argues that trying to be liked by everyone, it leads to an inauthentic life.

Like wearing a mask. You know, constantly trying to like fit in instead of embracing our true selves.

So, it's about finding that balance, right? Being kind and considerate, but also like staying true to ourselves, even if it means not being everyone's cup of tea.

He has a kind of helpful exercise for this. Picture someone you know.

Okay.

And ask yourself, how often do I actually think about them in my daily life? Then like flip it around. How often are they thinking about you?

Wow, yeah. That really puts things in perspective. We're all so caught up in our own worlds.

The more we can like internalize that, the more we can free ourselves from that, you know, self-conscious loop and like, embrace our own unique path.

This has been like eye-opening. So, we're letting go of the need for approval, embracing our imperfections, recognizing that not everyone will love us. But what about when we feel like wronged by someone?

When we're like holding on to resentment.

Right. Resentment. It's a heavy emotion.

It can like eat away at us.

Definitely not a good look. He breaks down like dealing with it into four key steps. Change or reevaluate our interpretation of the situation.

So, before we just like spiral into bitterness, ask ourselves, is my interpretation accurate? Is there another perspective I'm like missing? Right.

Second step. Confront the situation.

Have that like tough conversation.

Exactly. Sharing our feelings openly and directly can clear the air, maybe resolve any misunderstandings and like prevent that resentment from building into something toxic.

And what if that like direct conversation isn't possible? Maybe the person's no longer in our lives.

Meurisse suggests writing a letter, even if we never send it, just the act of like getting those feelings into words can be cathartic.

So, we're challenging our interpretations, communicating our feelings. But what about when resentment runs like really deep, when it feels almost impossible to like let go of the anger, the hurt?

That's where forgiveness comes in. And he makes this like crucial point. Forgiveness isn't about, you know, condoning the other person's actions.

It's about freeing ourselves from the burden of carrying that resentment.

It's like that saying holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Exactly. Forgiveness is an act of like self-compassion, recognizing we deserve peace. Meurisse actually offers a kind of five step process for this.

Okay. Acknowledge the hurt, express the anger, understand the other person's perspective, choose to forgive, and then finally let go.

Five powerful steps. We're forgiving, we're letting go, but the final step in dealing with resentment is perhaps the most challenging, forgetting.

Yeah. He's not saying to erase the memory, but to stop dwelling on it, stop giving it power over our present emotions. You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.

So true. Forgetting is a practice, but the more we consciously shift our focus away from those past hurts, the more space we create for peace and joy in the present.

So, we're mastering our inner critic, harnessing jealousy, navigating stress and worry, letting go of the need for approval, forgiving and forgetting. But there's another emotion that I think deserves its own spotlight, one that can be particularly sneaky, procrastination.

Yes. We all battle procrastination from time to time.

Right.

Meurisse actually offers a really comprehensive 16-step process for overcoming it.

16 steps. That's intense.

It's about understanding the root causes. Often, it just boils down to fear.

Fear of failure, fear of success even.

Exactly. Fear of judgment, fear of the unknown. Our minds go up with all sorts of excuses to avoid doing the things that are important to us.

I'll do it tomorrow, the procrastinators mantra.

Right. The first step is awareness.

Yeah.

Recognizing the stories we tell ourselves. Then, we can challenge those stories. Rewrite them with more empowering narratives.

Instead of, I don't have time, maybe it's, I choose to make time for what matters.

Yes. Clarifying our why. Why is this cask important?

What's the motivation behind it?

It's like if you're passionate about writing a book, but you keep putting it off, maybe it's because you haven't connected with that deeper why. The reason it actually matters to you.

And some practical tips. Identify distractions, set up your environment for success, break down big tasks into smaller chunks, and just get started, even if it's just for five minutes.

Sometimes the hardest part is just taking that first step, overcoming the inertia.

Once we get going though, momentum builds, and we often find ourselves in a flow state. Meurisse, he emphasizes building daily habits that support our goals. If you want to write that book, maybe commit to writing for 30 minutes every morning before checking email.

Automate those positive behaviors. Make it a system instead of relying on willpower alone.

Exactly. Now, what about when procrastination stems not from fear, but from a simple lack of motivation?

When we're just not feeling that spark.

Right. That's often a sign of misalignment. We might not be pursuing the right goals, goals that truly light us up.

So, it's about figuring out what truly motivates us, what makes us feel alive, and then creating a life that reflects that.

He's just asking ourselves, why? Why do I want to achieve this certain goal and keep asking why until we get to that core emotional reason that truly resonates?

We might say we want to lose weight to improve our health, but the real reason might be that we want to feel more confident, more energetic, more capable of doing the things we love.

Exactly. And once we connect with that deeper why, the motivation often follows.

So, we're not just going through the motions, right? We're aligning our actions with our deepest why, which is honestly pretty powerful stuff. But I'm curious, there are times when even with the best intentions, a difficult emotion can really throw us off track.

How does Marie suggest we handle those curve balls?

This is where I think his concept of emotions as kind of like messengers comes in handy. Okay. Instead of trying to silence those uncomfortable feelings, we can actually learn to listen to them, to decode their messages.

I love that. Those feelings are trying to tell us something if we can just figure out how to listen.

Precisely.

But Meurisse, he suggests there's more to it than just like wanting to be right.

He says defensiveness, it often comes from our egos need to protect itself, its image, its story.

So, it's not just about the criticism itself, it's about what that criticism seems to be saying about us. If someone points out a flaw in our work, it can feel like they're attacking our worth as a person.

Meurisse suggests asking ourselves in those moments, what am I trying to protect here? What belief is being threatened? It's about becoming aware of those underlying insecurities, those deeply held stories that are making us feel so defensive.

That's a great point. Instead of just getting swept up in the emotion, we can hit pause and ask, what's really going on here?

Exactly. Often, the more we can let go of that need to be right, to protect our egos fragile story, the more open we become to learning, to growing, even to connecting more deeply with others.

It's like when we're not so focused on defending ourselves, we can actually hear what the other person is saying. Maybe we'll even gain a new perspective.

Precisely. Now, some emotions can be especially tough to handle. When we're feeling down, stuck, maybe even a little hopeless, Meurisse actually has a unique take on depression.

I'm really curious to hear this because feeling depressed can be so incredibly isolating. You're trapped in your own head with all those negative thoughts just swirling around.

Meurisse, he says that often those feelings of depression, when they're not stepping from a clinical condition, they actually come from a sense of being trapped, powerless to change our circumstances. It's like we've lost sight of our own agency, our ability to create a better future.

It's like that feeling of being stuck in a rut, where no matter what we do, nothing seems to change. We just start to believe that we're powerless to change our situation. But Meurisse believes we always have a choice.

He emphasizes that even when things feel incredibly bleak, we can choose to surrender to despair, or we can choose to look for a glimmer of hope, even if it's just a tiny flicker.

It's like finding that one small action we can take, even if it's just getting out of bed and going for a walk.

Yes. He also talks about challenging those negative thought patterns that fuel depression. Our minds can get so stuck in a loop of negativity, even if it's making us miserable.

It's like our own brains become our worst enemy, so how do we break free?

It's about interrupting those thought loops, becoming aware of them, and then consciously choosing to replace them with more positive and empowering affirmations.

So instead of saying, I'm a failure, maybe we say, I'm learning and growing, instead of I'm all alone, maybe it's I'm reaching out for support.

Exactly. It's about creating a more supportive and compassionate inner voice, because ultimately, we are not defined by our emotions. We are the ones in the driver's seat.

That's such a powerful reminder, and it makes me think of another emotion that can really hold us back fear. It can be paralyzing.

Fear is primal, right? It's deeply ingrained in us. Yeah.

While it's meant to protect us, it can also prevent us from truly living our fullest lives.

It's like that voice that says, don't take that risk or you're not good enough to try that. But Meurisse doesn't advocate for trying to eliminate fear completely, does he?

He says that's impossible. Honestly, not even the goal. Instead, it's about learning to kind of like dance with fear, to take action even when we're afraid.

It's about courage.

It's like courage is not the absence of fear, but action in the face of fear. But that's like easier said than done. What are some ways we can actually start to dance with fear instead of letting it control us?

Well, he talks about breaking down those big scary goals into smaller, more manageable steps. It's also helpful to focus on the positive outcomes to visualize ourselves succeeding.

I love the visualization aspect. It's like giving our brains a sneak peek of what's possible, which can make feel less scary.

Absolutely. And he also stresses the importance of having a support system, people who will cheer us on, who will hold us accountable.

It's so much easier to face our fears when we know we're not alone, but I'm struck by something you said earlier that fear can actually be a kind of like signpost, right? Pointing us toward what truly matters.

Right. If we're not afraid, maybe we're not challenging ourselves enough, not pushing ourselves to grow and evolve.

Those butterflies in our stomach, maybe they're a sign that we're on the right track, moving towards something truly worthwhile.

Exactly. Master Your Emotions has been an incredible journey. And as we wrap up this deep dive, I think it's important to reiterate Meurisse's core message.

And what would that be?

We are not defined by our emotions. We are not our thoughts or our feelings. We are so much more than that.

We are the ones who choose how we, you know, respond, how we use those emotions to, like, shape the lives we want to live.

It's about recognizing the power we have, you know, to choose our thoughts, our beliefs, our actions.

And ultimately, those choices, they shape our destiny. Master Your Emotions, it's not just a book, it's like a roadmap.

A roadmap to emotional freedom, to unlocking our full potential.

It's been a pleasure diving into these insights with you. I encourage you to check out Master Your Emotions for yourself. It might just change your life.

We hope you're leaving with fresh insights and a spark of inspiration. Remember to subscribe, leave a review, and check back for more episodes as we dive into new worlds of thought, one book at a time. Until then, keep your mind set in stone and your curiosity open.

This has been a Big L Riz Media Podcast, where big ideas meet lasting impressions.